“Oh my god. Catharine, what’s my last name!?”
“Yes, I’m bleeding!”
“I want you to put an octopus on your head…now are brains are
being
controlled.”
“My hat is my life.”
“We have literary sex.”
“When I’m a grownup, I’m going to wear footy pajamas.”
“It’s not a vase, it’s a vaaz, damn it.”
“If I had to describe my life in one word I would say
wax-paper. With a
hyphen.”
“…it’s a confidence issue, like wearing colorful underwear.”
“She has magic powers. I mean like sort of…she could grow a
chia pet,
maybe.”
“Man, I wish I were a ghetto underdog.”
“Euler was an oily bastard.”--Carolyn B.
“I bet he had a mustache.”--Ellen L.
“What do you call a group of people?”--Jesse
“Stupid.”--Ellen L.
“Placebos, parameciums, they’re the same thing.”
“I’m disinterested in this because it doesn’t have Greek hoes
in it.”
“Parker Ogden, you’re a woman!”
“Metaphors are dirty. I hate them.”
“We don’t call it hazing. We call it stabbing.”
“It’s on some romantic island, like Russia.”
“Math is more important than bathroom.”
“Bubbliest laptop ever.”
“And by ‘we’ I mean ‘me’.”
“You know what’s like the metric system except stupider? The
British.”
“It’d be like electing Jesus.”
“It’s called a gelatoid or something. It’s like a robot made
of
gelatin.”
“That’s why I’m going to kill her, because she’s not giving me
attention.”
“It’s like Gollum, but except for countries.”
“My fingers don’t like fingers.”
“You have no idea how grouped I am right now.”
“I’m not mocking you, I’m mocking with you.”
“Fruit snacks are like Jesus, you can’t throw them.”